Teach Kids to Handle Victory and Defeat

Although they've seen basketball and baseball stars grin in victory and moan in defeat, when kids learn how to handle winning and losing, their parents are their number one role models.

The signals you send—from your toddlers' first board game to your teenagers' spelling bee—can set a pattern for the rest of their lives.

"Many parents underestimate their importance as role models," says Gregory E. Prazar, M.D., a New Hampshire pediatrician.

Set a good example

The best way to teach your children good behavior is to behave yourself.

If they see you scream at the umpire during a softball game or lose your temper when things don't go your way at work, your children learn that type of behavior is acceptable.

If you suspect your children might overreact during a game, says Dr. Prazar, talk them through it beforehand. Talk to them about what you expect: good, fair behavior.

Once the game begins, just watch. Don't overreact.

"Never single out a child, even your own, in front of his or her peers," says Richard Selznick, Ph.D., a child development expert in New Jersey. "Wait for the storm to pass, then take your child to the side and explain what was wrong and how it could be improved."

Kneel down, look your child in the eyes, and speak slowly. This helps calm him or her down. Tell them that sometimes people don't achieve their goals.

Team learning

Kids can reap great benefits from team play. They learn to follow direction and become part of a team, skills that will serve them well as they compete later in life—in games, schools, or jobs.

When kids learn that the soccer ball booted by another player into their part of the field is theirs to kick, says Dr. Selznick, they're learning to work with others—compared with the kid who rushes to where the ball is and hogs it every time.

But it's important not to push them too far too soon. "Young kids do not need every sport, every activity to be so organized; they need to learn to work out some things on their own," he says.

Up to age 12 or so, "most sports for kids are for character building, to teach them how to share, how to react," he adds. "The real heavy competition is best saved for later years."